The Tragedy of Imposter Syndrome (And How to Kick It In the Shins)
Imposter Syndrome is the ultimate frenemy. It shows up uninvited, eats all the snacks, and whispers in your ear, “You don’t belong here, you fraud.” Whether it’s at work, parenting, or the audacity of starting a podcast (ahem), it thrives on the gap between what you think you should be and what you feel you are. Spoiler alert: It’s lying to you.
Stop “Should-ing” yourself: 3 Signs You’re Blocking Your Happiness
All of these “shoulds” are intended to pave the way to a happier, more copacetic existence.
But are we kidding—or rather “should-ing”— ourselves?
Is Your Fear In Charge? 5 Ways to Abate Fear, Reclaim Your Life, and Live big
What are you scared of? From a stranger, it’s a question that typically prompts the standard surface answers—heights, spiders, public speaking—the fears that don’t really seem to have a big impact on the way we live our day to day. So maybe we don’t stand at the edge of a cliff or buy a pet tarantula or give speeches. So what? For most of us, these fears aren’t pathological, and they don’t seem to cost us much when we acquiesce to them. In fact, quite the opposite. We tend to see them as built-in parameters to ensure our comfort, if not our survival.
5 Steps to Figuring Out Your Next Career Move
My husband knew from the time he was a teen that he wanted to be a dentist. I, on the other hand, bumbled around in my young adulthood between pursuing acting, art therapy, and FBI profiling — I’m still obsessed with Dateline — before finally landing in dentistry. If I’m being honest, I only landed there because…
The Stories We Spin: How Coaching Works to Rewrite Them
Maybe we just want the world to make sense, because a world that makes sense feels safer than one that doesn’t. Safety is pretty important to us, afterall, perched on the second tier of Maslow’s hierarchy, even if that safety comes at a cost. It’s no wonder, then, that we’re pretty good at telling ourselves all kinds of stories about our lives—even some that we believe to our core for a lifetime. But what if they don’t actually serve us?
Dealing with change
Change is a guarantee.
I used to make that mean I should mourn the past. Like I had to be sad that my life was going by. I have this micro obsession with time and the idea that I can't hold onto it no matter how hard I try. (And, for the record, I’ve tried really really hard before). It seems to crop up every year around this time…
Overwhelm in mothering
It was a stupid can of beans that took me down.
My daughter was born in the water on a sunny morning in September. Hers was my second birth at home, my fourth altogether, and like every other time, the moment I nestled her wrinkly little body in my arms, I was intoxicated with a euphoric mix of relief and adoration.
Patience and the miyagi Factor
Patience is a virtue, they say—or maybe just the opposite of madness.
You Know Better
In 2010, a man named Tom Kane stole $30,000 from me.
I sent it to him willingly in the form of a cashier’s check, a detail around which he was suspiciously adamant. It was a red flag, but I told my gut she was wrong, that she knew nothing about how business worked, that this was the way things were done all the time, and I sealed up the money and mailed it anyway. Instead of making good on his end of our deal, this man vanished with every cent.
When Are You?
Once in awhile, something major happens—the loss of a loved one, the birth of a child, the lay off, the big promotion—nudging you to glance at the clock and check if you’re any closer to someday. You feel a new, even if fleeting, sense of urgency to swipe hold of joy, to be really in it, lest you miss it.
Fishbowl
We were at a Waffle House, probably on the road to or from somewhere, but I don't remember. To the server, I probably looked like your average pre-teen having breakfast with her parents and younger sister. We sat two by two at a four-top by the window. The symmetry was beginning to feel familiar enough, even though I still sometimes felt like I was sinking in the hole my brother left behind when my parents sent him across the country to a boarding school for emotionally troubled teens.
We were a family broken, but we did our best to pretend otherwise as often as possible. At least I did. I didn’t like talking about it. I didn’t like thinking about what was wrong with us.
“So we want to talk to you girls about something,” my Dad said.
On letting people in: is your invitation genuine?
That my daughter wanted to perform for me was par for the course. What made this instance unique were her instructions to me that followed
Out of the Chrysalis
In knowing a transformation so dramatic can take place, we make a secret wish for ourselves, hoping for a similar miracle in our own lives. We want to become better, more beautiful, changed in a profound way before we die. Are we foolish to desire such a thing?
Yes and no.
Perfection As An Isolator
I used to wear my perfectionism like a badge of honor. I was a martyr, giving up the messy human parts of myself in the name of predictability, order, and control. My allegiance to perfection fueled me to hustle harder, and some might even argue that it was the driving force behind most of my accomplishments.
Let Freedom Ring
Of course, eventually we all come to know that adulthood imposes its own confines, and it’s tempting to allow them to dictate the way we live indefinitely. But how many of those confines are real, and how many have we simply conjured for ourselves to keep from feeling too overwhelmed, uncomfortable, or scared?
Who To Call When Motivation Wanes
Motivation, by definition, is the reason you do any particular thing, and right now, it’s most likely eluding you. The simple thought of showering and getting dressed in clean clothes might seem like a feat. Nowhere to go, no one to see—why bother? If something as simple as getting ready for your day has been rendered pointless, then is there a point to anything we do right now? My answer is yes. Absolutely yes.
Optimism and Anxiety Can Coexist
For me, anxiety comes packaged as little nightmares like this one, as perfectionism, as an intense need for control, as physical illness, or as a gaping emotional distance from the people I love. It’s a splinter in my life that, for the most part, I’ve slowly learned to live alongside more full
It’s a Mixed Bag: Feelings During a Pandemic
The only goals are to stay healthy and sane everyday. Wash, rinse, and repeat for the foreseeable future. It’s a challenge, and yet a relief at the same time, so it’s no surprise that my feelings are all over the map on this one.
Now What?
With the onslaught of COVID-19, our personal agendas have been fed through the paper shredder and hauled away with the recyclables, begging to be morphed into something more useful, meaningful, and good. We’re left empty-handed…
10 Ways to Get the Most from Your Time
You can’t not take your kids shopping for winter coats that actually fit them or opt out of hitting the grocery store this week just because you’d rather be indulging yourself at the spa. Trust me, I get it.